The Infamous Panic Attack

I used to have these uncontrollable panic attacks that coursed through my body like electric fire. They happened right after breakfast as I drove to work, right in the car, about 10 minutes on the road. I’m not sure if it was exactly that cup of caffeine that jolted it, or just the thoughts that submerged me. Or maybe it was the perfect cocktail poison of both that gave me that classic I-can’t-breathe-moment. 

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Whatever it is, anxiety and I have learned to become best friends. I hated him when I was younger. He became like a growing, needy parasite that fed during the high school years. I remember feeling anxious and worrying a lot, staring at the rain, by the window. Worried. Worry Wart. Those seeds of thoughts that became like logs ready to add to my fire. He loved it. He cherished the moments that I let him consume me. 

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I came to the very realization as I studied him through books, videos, and journals that the best way to beat him was to join him. Learning when he wanted come out and play was the first step. I found that if I breathed in for at least 8-10 seconds long; he realized they were like these roadblocks from escalating. He hated that. When I released the slow exhale, he hated it more. My heart thumped slightly faster when I did hold those breaths but the more I did it, the more he slowly stayed tucked in his cave.

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Then, somehow, he figured a way around the breathing. Damn him, I thought. Then I realized it thoughts. If my thoughts kept circulating in my head about the worse of the worse, he would come out. So I learned about meditation and mindfulness. I would bring the image of a mountain in my head, focusing on all the details of the mountain. the snow capped mountain, with green lush evergreens surrounding it. The smell of the evergreens. The cabin that stood in the middle. The pillowy snow.  He went back into his cave after that. Never completely gone but there. When bursts of panic attacks came through, it was almost like he had some crazy superhero power. How could I combat these? If I had timed it right, that day I went to the gym, or to power yoga. It turns out that bottle of energy or stress that he let out, was a great way to channel into adrenaline and fuel my endurance during the workout. I laughed like I became the superhero and he the villain, lost to me.

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He and I still have our battles like the yin to yang. I have learned that we have to coexist together. Sometimes, he wins and I have to retreat to my cave. I call in sick, stay in bed, close the binds, and decompress. That moment of needed solitude and rehabilitation allowed me collect my pieces together. When the next day arrived, it was a new day, and a fresh start. 

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So maybe the moral of the story is this:

1) Write those circulating negative thoughts down, let them out and don’t let them stew in your mind; it’s like poison; call a friend, do something to get them out.

2) The moment a panic attack arrives, if avail, do something physical, cognitively demanding, or bring an image that comforts you to your mind. Focus is one of the most difficult things to do at the time you feel like suffocating. Immediately locate one object near you and focus on it and like a picture is 1000 words, describe it intimate detail.

3)Escape- Okay, you can’t hit the panic button but you can take a breather by locating a space, restroom, car, or outside.

4) Practice those deep bottom belly breaths they say in yoga, and in the moments your breath shortens; if you’re proactive enough, you’re more likely to reduce the early onset of panic attack kick; the breathe is the monitor that allows you to gauge when the triggers come; this is why you hear in every other post that meditation is recommended.

5) Utilize the power of sense. Smell has actually been tied to memories in some research. If you can, carry a small lavender essential oil or chew mint gum. Either way, the smell and breathing causes focus. Panic attacks are based on negative circulating thoughts and sometimes the trigger of what you see in front of you. Focus on smell of mint or lavender switches from sight to smell, hoping to calm those racing thoughts.

6) Believe in the power of a motto, mantra, quote, or saying. Mine is “everything is going to be okay.” Somehow, when I say this to myself, even when the worse comes, I still end up okay. Every time I end up in a crowded room, restaurant, or relative’s party, the first thought pops instead of my head, “you’ll be alright.” Smile.

7) Carry a small object that represents the good in your life. Photo of your dog, a little Lego man that your friend gave you, etc. Something emotionally tied in a positive way. Preferably something you can handle in your hand, almost like a fidget toy. It turns out that in your moment of panic, you have this almost safety blanket, you can look at. If you can tell, the theme is focus because your thoughts have somehow spiraled into this inducing anxiety that your body is responding to. When you shift your mind (this is with great practice), your panic attacks immediately reduce.

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