For the past few months, I didn't want to admit that I was having anxiety on the 8-9 level from a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest. With a full time job that made stress high enough, it didn't help taking a science class that required three nights in the middle of the week. My whole goal was to get an A in this class. I was so close in finishing all my science prerequisites that I wanted that 4.0 badly. I felt like I did so well in my other classes that there was ultimately this pressure to finish strong.
I've always lived with GAD, generalized anxiety disorder throughout my entire life. I believed its fruition began after my sensitivity increased to caffeine, coupled with the stressful environments in my life. I realize now control is part of my ability to work with anxiety. If things were out of control, I would start to feel the anxiety's symptoms.
In particular, when school became increasingly more difficult with topics to study, I noticed my anxiety would increase. I often used it as an advantage to get ahead and start planning. The problem began when my ironclad studying methods were shattered when the grades came out. I thought I had this under control. What am I missing?
Anxiety used to come in waves but now it came almost every minute that I was awake. I would wake up suddenly in the middle of the night thinking about that class. I would feel my heart increase as I took steps to the classroom. I wouldn't smile as much. I wouldn't laugh as much. I just had this always worried sullen face.
I prayed hard about it with God. I thought, I need to listen and have faith. I used all those breathing techniques, eating right, drinking lots of water. But the increased heart beating and slithering snake around my esophagus, made everything hard to focus. The moments that meditation came, I used them, like a temporarily relief, they helped.
Then last night, as she returned our grades back, she provided the grade scale. I didn't get the top score but there was a sigh of relief, and I smiled at myself. It would be okay. Pull down that high reaching bar.
The Power of Low Expectations
Wagstaff at the Today show noted: "It is often said that you will be happier if your expectations are lower,” Dr. Robb Rutledge, the senior research associate at University College London (UCL) who led the study, said in a statement. “We find that there is some truth to this: Lower expectations make it more likely that an outcome will exceed those expectations and have a positive impact on happiness.”
My happiness was based on this high expectation that an A was the ultimate perfection to be happy. When I realized two things 1) it's not always about grades and 2) I tried my best, the result stopped my anxiety dead cold.
Psychology today says it's about managing expectation "It’s all about managing the “aspiration gap,” the gap between what is and what could be, what you have and what you expect. It’s all about expectation management." Part of GAD involves the "all or nothing" thinking. For me, when I don't have all A's, then it's nothing. If I don't get this job, then I'll loose everything.
Tips to lower the bar and increase your happiness:
1) Live without what the expectation is to avoid fear of failure or hard disappointment. It's hard to fall hard when there's no expectation of it.
2) Try not to compare yourself to others.
3) Make small achievable goals. Don't just get an A. Work on breaking your study times down.
4) Go into experiences with knowing that a possible outcome that it could not work, and being okay with.
5) Talk with a friend about your disappointment, frustration, or worry.
6) Give yourself the statement "everything will be okay, you will be okay"
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