Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far. -Jodi Picoult
“Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. You could say social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people.” (socialphobia.org)
At my current job a few years ago, I was conducting an interview with a father who turned out to be a lawyer (little did I know). Somehow during the interview, things took a turn for the worst and I became in this unsuspecting hot seat. My head began to emit heat like a candle, sucking, and noticing the stares. How did I somehow become grilled? Then like tiny drops that rung from my hair like a faucet, I noticed the pit pat sound of my paperwork on my clipboard. It wasn’t sweat. It was like large rain drops, dripping over my own paperwork. So much so, that his wife offered me a hand towel. In my head, I wanted to run towards the door.
standing in front of a crowd
Dealing with generalized anxiety disorder is one thing. Dealing with #social situations can be a whole different beast.
I still have anxiety approaching new people, new places, and those stares. On one of the episodes of #Friends, Rachel and Phoebe run together. Phoebe runs freely and Rachel feels embarrassed. Rachel replies later “Phoebe they have eyes.” Totally. They DO have eyes and this judge-y feeling that cause me to sweat and at times profusely.
The Huffington Post states “The Anxiety and #Depression Association of America estimates that more than one-third of those with social anxiety waited 10 years or more to speak with a doctor about their symptoms.” That’s 10 years of dealing with something that you probably didn’t know you had.
Through the years, I have learned to manage the sweat invoking negative thoughts that enter my mind but it wasn’t easy.
Everyone tells you breathe and push through it, but that isn’t always 100% effective especially if your mind flutters around with what that other person is thinking.
Even in the #nonjudgmental room of #yoga, it fills in my head what people are thinking. I walked over to my friend who saved a spot for me in yoga. She was talking to a guy. I don’t like walking into rooms with lots of people I don’t know. (Clue #1) Let alone walking through the room to get to the spot which was like 10 steps.
There’s this feeling of uneasiness. (Clue #2) Someone stares, someone looks you up and down, someone does something. Of course part of it is in my head because everyone else is minding their own business.
As I sit down, my friend introduces her friend and I’m not even sure what to say. (Clue #3) She realizes after I mention what I do for work she states how we worked together. The awkward pause made me want to turn around and/or wish the instructor would begin immediately. They end up talking to each other as I nod, feeling heat and sweat start to come out.
Looking back at this, I realize nothing really happened that truly was negative. They talked and shared some common topic and that was it. My thoughts swarmed.
Here are 3 things I noticed about myself after reflection:
#1 Social situations can cause someone with social anxiety to feel weird and awkward
#2 I found myself worried on what to say instead of focusing on what the topic was. I was too aware of my awkwardness than engaging in the conversation.
#3 People have evaluations, judgements of others all the time.
Focus on the conversation
So I found my top 5 best ways that could help deal with social anxiety and hope you utilize these as well.
1) Utilize progressive muscle relaxation-this can be great right before you enter that big party, or a place with lots of people. You can do the exercise in your car. The simplest way is to start with one part of your body. I usually start with the hands, clenching and releasing them slowly. Utilize breathing and start from arms to trunk to legs. You can check a video here.
2) #Mindfulness is powerful. If you focus on the here and now, you can focus on what you’re communicating to others. This takes some time. It’s not a flip of the switch to be mindful but easy practice can help. One quick way is to quickly scan at least 5 objects around you. Name their color, think about their size. This helps you narrow your thoughts to the object, not your mind racing.
3) Lead the topic. This one may take a little more #courage but if you found a topic of interest in a group setting. It helps you think about your interest or passion in the forefront of your mind and nothing else. Then to help the uneasiness if you start to feel awkward or uncomfortable, turn toward your friend or ask anyone, what do you think?
4) Utilize the deep longer breathing during times you start to feel awkward when you’re in the group. I need to practice this more but smiling, nodding while you listen and breathe with more intention. This works similar to mindfulness but not you’re focused on your breathe, pausing between breathes.
5) Lastly, find a mantra that suits you. I have learned after reading a dozen of those Pinterest lists that the only one I really found true was “everything is going to be okay.” Yes we heard this over and over. But it was the only one that compelled me to move beyond my thoughts. There will be times of challenge, trouble, and hardship.
Eventually, the sun rises and you actually survived the worse. So if you have another one you prefer let us know. #Mantra, #quote, sayings. Find one and stick it in your mind. Even the following day, if the bad thoughts come in, I immediately go back to my mantra which somehow pushes me through the day.
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