4 Key Benefits on How To Take Care of Yourself While In A Relationship
Somewhere, somebody said you need distance to be close. In a relationship, this can be highly important to make the #relationship grow.
Self care First Relationship Stronger Second
...sometimes we need to be by ourselves to self-mediate, self-reflect, or space out...
"I need some alone time." My college roommate said to me once while we were watching The Hills. "What?" I said. "My boyfriend said he needed alone time -which I get but how much alone time do you really need?" She said while munching on her favorite potato chips. At the time, I was single.
Actually, I was #single for a long time with some peppered dates here and there while in college. I couldn't really give her a satisfying response to her question. They would enjoy playing the Wii together and spend weekends together. Then, he would say "I need alone time." She nodded not sure what to say but understood that sometimes we need to be by ourselves to self-mediate, self-reflect, or space out.
Self Care In A Relationship
Now in a more serious relationship today, I still find that somewhat true. I need my alone time at least 1 time per week. And I realize he needed his. I would go to the room and binge on social media while downstairs he would binge on his favorite show. It's not like we didn't talk to each other. We just needed to go about "resetting" ourselves especially after a long day of interacting with others. It's almost like our social-emotional batteries needed charging.
This brings me to having self-care in a relationship. This can be hard and tricky. After the honeymoon period of all relationships when you actually start to settle into the #relationship, you start to become more comfortable around each other. Its not that the magic disappears but now the layers are settled.
"Your relationship has rhythm."
The moment I realized I needed self-care while I was in a relationship was the moment we spent more time together, doing everything together. His close friends had events almost 2x per month. My friends live almost 2 hours away, some even in other states. Naturally, we would hang out with his friends.
Then, I started to realize that there wasn't too much we had in common; hence his friends. "I think I need to hangout with my friends." I blurt out while we arrived home from the party. I immediately try coordinating a day when I was in their town to hangout.
Friends on Your Partner's Side
So what's with the self-care when you have someone who cares about you? It turns out that relationships require both parties to be at their most optimal. So when one person is not, then the balance can be off. According to Refinery29.com "Experts say that self-care just means "providing adequate attention to one's own physical and psychological wellness," according to the American Psychological Association."
"Who wants to be the cheerleader ALL the time?" My friend said to me when I was telling her about a past relationship. "What if both of you are down? Who will be the cheerleader then?"
Imagine you had #partner that you did everything with. I mean you guys do the same sport, read the same book, watch the same binge series, or cook the same thing. Then, at the end of the day, you turn toward he or she and say "how was your day?" What's their reply? "The same as yours." Imagine this everyday.
Where would the magic and the getting to know the person be?
Gone. Of course, thankfully, no two fingerprints are alike (except twins we know).
Caring is Sharing. When we move about our lives and experience places, people, and new things, we have a person to share it with. It's like bringing life back into the relationship. For example, I was able to catch up with a friend for coffee and she told me how she was moving back up to Washington. Letting my significant other know about how friend date proved two fold: 1) #selfreflect and process 2)share with my s/o about my day. Reciprocally, he would tell me about changes with his friends who were also moving closer to their work.
Girlfriend Meetup
So I've narrowed it down, not scientifically of course and in no particular order, but here are the top 4 ways to take care of oneself while in a relationship:
You read it and already guessed it: 1. Alone Time aka Me Time. ARC indicated: "We tend to take on the moods of those around us; so if you both are tired, run down, and stressed out, your relationship is going to take a hit." If work is stressful, guess who may take the hit when we get home, your partner. Something you don't mean but when a trigger for something else occurs, you need that alone time. There are a million ideas to help focus on you: take a walk, take your dog for a walk, read a book to your kid, tend to the garden, read a book, etc. Grab that #journal on my product page. This has helped me get through some personal challenges! It utilizes introspection to delve into your wants, needs, gratitude, humility and philosophy. I use this daily.
Me Time helps We Time
2. Get a Hobby. Find a hobby that you're working towards that will give you a project or satisfaction in the end. Blog, VLog, journal goals and interests. Join a club or start one. This is almost like alone time except the difference there is a goal in the hobby. You might enjoy cooking but you can turn it into something actionable like a blog. You wanted to do that DIY bench. The point is your efforts go into something #positive so in the end, your success can be realized when your project completes or you make a milestone with your project that you can appreciate. Skilledatlife.com says "It helps prevent bad habits and wasting time. There is an old saying that “idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” If you have good hobbies to fill up your free time, then you will be less likely to spend that time on wasteful or negative activities."
3. Hang out with your friends/family. It turns out that doing an activity with not only a loved one but also with his/her family and friends can be highly beneficial to everyone's self care. According to hazeldenbettyford.org family involved activities with your partner create unity and cohesion. Additionally, maintain those friendships.
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you disappeared off the mat and went AWOL. 🤣 Touch wood or knock on wood but if the relationship dissolves, you have friends who will be there for you. If you ditched them while you were in a relationship there may not be anyone there for you. Maintaining those friendships is support when things fall apart. Just like the scaffolding in a building that needs TLC, so do those friendships.
Find a Family Activity
4. Go on a mini Eat.Pray.Love retreat. So don't go anywhere drastic or life-changing like "I'm heading to Italy for 3 months! See ya!" to your partner. But maybe take a weekend or a day if it's more reasonable to go to a restaurant by yourself, or the mall (we still have these?) Bring a friend and make it a gal pal weekend or a boy's day of going to a sport game.
If that is not possible due to whatever circumstances, like children, taking care of a grandparent, try a movie at the theater. 2 hours at max to delve into a movie. I found that when my #mind wasn't thinking about my own life, it was actually relaxing despite whatever movie I was watching.
Explore the City
Ultimately, using any of one of these suggested tips can really build a strong bond between you and your partner. You'll find that love itself isn't just between each other. It's also within yourself.
Take care,Ian xoxo
“Self-care is how you take your power back.”– Lalah Delia
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