My heart thumps like a hummingbird as I wait to get called into the meeting room for my panel interview. I feel calm on the outside but like a scene from 300 movie, I'm an utter mess. Sweat peeling out of me. Did I really need that cup of coffee? As my foot thumped on the floor almost matching my heartbeat. "Ian, are you ready?" Who really asks this when you're in an interview I stare and smile at the woman and nod respectfully. My face felt like a porcelain doll, almost stiff and tight, numbing, and at the same time warm.
Three to five of them (my eyes blurred as if I was a camera, adjusting to the light behind them, their dark silhouettes almost like shadows). They said their names and it flew over my head instantaneously. The list of questions were in front of me but my heart boomed so I couldn't think, read, and barely listen. If I pass out now, I thought, I wonder if I could redo this interview.
Anxiety and fear are part of daily lives.
When people say it's good to have a little stress, I wonder how much stress is too much stress? Can we go stronger from the anticipation and bounce back when we fall hard?
What is our preception of others who are displaying anxiety? Like when we see our classmates stand in front of us or when you say a toast with a small group of people.
Roughly 18 percent of adults (much higher as up to 30%) have an anxiety disorder according to anxietycentre.com. Misconceptions can occur. Let's delve into some myths and identify ways to help you handle your anxiety like a pro.
It may seem like life is peachy for most people but just like their calming demeanor, everyone has something brewing inside. Dr Forsyth (2007) states we tend to make inferences about people with little information and social comparison. When you hear the notion, "walk in someone else's' shoes," then you would have an easier time of changing perspective. When you notice everything they do like eat, sleep, worry, become angry, or stress, turns out everyone can feel this from time to time. The difference is how you handle it. Can it be out of control that it's abnormal?
Intensity of our most anxious memories may be unbearable. They may stop you in your tracks and before you know it, you turn around and move on to something else so that you avoid them at all cost. Intense anxiety is real and is part of our threshold of stress. This means reactions to even the most life-threatening events like natural disasters, sexual assault, and combat are in this category. It IS normal to feel this intensity.
Intense anxiety isn't the barrier. It actually could be not acknowledging it in the first place be the true barrier.
Feeling good all the time is a set up. The thinking is this: If I feel happy and better than I will be happy and better. This sets up the expectation that when you stop feeling good and all the worries, panics, and thoughts enter, you start to feel more pain than you did feel good.
It's an important to understand that living with anxiety is something that can't be hidden. If addressed with the present moment, anxiety can be recognized in a meaningful way.
"You're such a worry-wart!" A common phrase I heard when I grew up. It made me wonder if I was just born with this anxiety. Turns out there are no real genetic links or evidence in research regarding anxiety. People feel the way they feel not because there's a gene activating the feeling but because of the presenting facts and how we interpret them.
For example, a car behind me tailgates me furiously even though I'm only going as fast the the car ahead of me. My anxiety rises and my neck stiffens like I'm ready to feel the car bump me from behind. Those are feelings and not some gene activating sense happening. Baby, you weren't born that way.
#5 If I don't think think about Anxiety, it won't be in my thoughts.
Let's do this exercise together. Close your eyes AFTER you read the next line.
Don't think about the giraffe in the garage.
Take a moment to close your eyes. If you're more like most people, this moment was a little difficult. Like anxiety, it creeps and would be absolutely draining if you tried to stop thoughts that you don't want to come in.
The Bottom Line
Let's be real- Anxiety is something that you can cope with given the right direction. It can go in a downward spiral with negative thoughts. Here are some helpful tips to steer those thoughts of anxiety into a more productive way.
1. Use the acronym FEAR to identify when you start to feel anxious.
False Evidence Appearing Real from Dr Dyer (2005) As you go about your day utilize this acronym to identify when your anxiety heightens. Is the anxiety because something was created in your mind? Enter False to inform yourself that it was a creation.
2. Evidence- Is there direct evidence of why you feel the way you feel? If it's warranted?If you're about to do a presentation in front of a group of people, then yes anxiety is true and real. BUT if there is NO direct evidence in front of you but spinning of thoughts, recognize it immediately as thoughts. Which leads to ...
3. Appearing is something that looks the way it looks but with anxiety our past experiences shape it into something else. Maybe you had one bad experience getting through a crowd. The next time you see a crowd, you may feel overwhelmed based on your experiences.
4. Finally, real is the nail in the coffin for anxiety. It means that if you did not recognize FEA then all your negative thoughts solidified in to real. This means you believe it and that they are fused to your thoughts. Your judgement has distorted what is fake to real.
Recognize is basically the bottom line. If you can acknolwedge your anxiety and the thoughts separate from the reality, this is the first step in handling anxiety.
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